The First Time
by mccabebabe
Summary: After a few weeks of dating, Spencer Reid comes to the realisation that things may be moving forward in a manner he's never experienced. Reid/Loker rated M
1. Chapter 1

"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..."

― Nicholas Sparks, _At First Sight_

He pulled away, unsure how to proceed and cursing himself inwardly for being so awkward. Awkward around people, story of my life he thought. His tie was askew, his sweater unbuttoned and his breathing rapid. Embarrassed, his eyes cast downward as he struggled for words.

"I'm sorry, Dory. I'm. Um. I've-"

"It's okay, Spence. Please don't apologise." Her left hand was still entwined in his hair, which she now moved to tip his chin up so their eyes met. Her other hand had dropped from his chest when he'd pulled away and she left it where it had fallen in her lap. She searched his eyes and saw confusion and something else there. Fear? Shame? Patting his hand with her left, she repeated, "It's okay."

Dory rose from the sofa to give him space. She made her way into his kitchen, blaming herself for spoiling their evening. Obviously, he wasn't ready to further their relationship, she thought. Assuming we _have_ a relationship, she conceded. They'd had a spectacular time at the Smithsonian. Spencer knew it well, and had explained many of the exhibits to her. It was wonderful, like having her own personal tour guide. Another visit, next time to the Air and Space Museum had already been planned. They'd had lunch at a cozy Italian restaurant and a lovely hour long walk back to his apartment through the park. He'd reached for her hand and held it the entire walk. They'd kissed before, she though. He couldn't be freaked out by kissing. Sighing, she reached for the kettle, filled it with water and turned it on, intending to make tea. She took a pair of mugs from one cupboard and several boxes of tea from another. She turned around to head back out to the living room to ask Spencer which kind of tea he'd prefer and bumped into him, as he'd followed her into the kitchen.

He immediately reached his hands out to steady her, which drew her into his arms. Their eyes met and he tilted his head down to kiss her. She tossed the two boxes of tea onto the kitchen table and closed her arms around his neck in one swift motion, returning his kiss fervently. He pulled back enough to speak.

"I'm sorry, Dory, I just-" he paused and licked his upper lip and Dory timed it such that she captured his tongue with her lips as she renewed the kiss. The rest of his sentence was lost and he couldn't help but laugh a little. She released him from the kiss-finally-and ruffled his hair with one hand as she spoke.

"Tea?"

"Herbal." He took her hand out of his hair but continued to hold it. "Thank you."

"Sugar?"

"No thank you."

"Really? From the one who puts some coffee in his sugar. You don't want sugar in the tea?"

"Smart ass." He pulled her in close and kissed her again. She took a chance and opened her mouth slightly, giving him the opportunity to explore. Tentatively, his tongue found its way into her mouth and her hands wound their way around his neck and into his hair again. She balanced her own desire against his apparent nervousness and fought to let him control the depth of their connection. A flood of warmth coursed through her as his tongue dipped around hers and against her teeth and lips. Her breath caught in a sharp intake as she felt one of his hands move from around her waist down along her rear end. He heard it and immediately removed his hands and released her from the kiss, apologising yet again as he did so.

"I'm sorry, Dory. I-"

"Stop!" she commanded. "Stop apologising." Dory gave the kettle a death glare when its high-pitched whistle interrupted her. She busied herself for a moment, putting tea bags into the mugs and pouring water into them then turned to face him once again, "Spencer, we obviously need to talk about this."

Casting his eyes downward again, he nodded in agreement. She added sugar to one mug then picked both up, handing the sugarless one to Spencer. Taking his other hand in hers, she led the way back to the sofa where they sat down. Spencer sighed. Dory put her tea down on the coffee table, took his mug out of his hand and set it down as well. She reached over and kissed him on the cheek, then tipped his head up so their eyes met.

"So, tell me please. What is this all about?"


	2. Chapter 2

He thought back to last night, and the conversation he'd had with his colleague and best friend, Derek Morgan. They'd both packed up their files and cleared off their desks in preparation for the long weekend. They had all been given Monday morning off as Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner had a meeting scheduled with the upper management. Morgan had playfully asked him if he had any plans for his days off. He'd avoided giving specifics at first. It had occurred to Spencer that he and Dory had been seeing each other for several weeks and that they'd shared a few good night kisses the last couple of times they'd gone out. Reid was considering the very real possibility that their physical relationship could be escalating to a new level soon. And therein lay the problem, he'd thought. He'd shut off the computer and lowered his voice as he spoke.

"Morgan? Uh, Derek, can I? Can I ask you something?"

He recalled the playful look immediately leaving Morgan's face, replaced instantly with concern.

"Reid? Hey, kid, is everything okay?"

Reid looked around the nearly empty office and shifted a little closer to Morgan. The only other person in the room took no notice of them as he pushed open the glass door and left. Reid exhaled.

"I've been seeing someone-" he started and stopped when he saw the broad smile cross Morgan's face, "what?" he finished.

"Hey, I think that's great, Reid. It's about time. I'm glad you've finally found someone again." He gave the younger man an affectionate pat on the back. Reid sighed and bit his lower lip before continuing.

"Yeah, it's been great. She's smart. She's funny. We have a great time together," he said in a happy tone and then he broke eye contact with Morgan and stared glumly at the floor.

"Well then what's the problem, man?" He touched Spencer's arm and the younger man looked back up at him.

"I. It's- It might be getting serious, Morgan." Again the furrow of concern crossed Morgan's brow.

"How's that a bad thing? Isn't that what you want?"

Reid pursed his lips together and nodded. "Yeah. Yes. It is. I'm just- It's-" he lowered his voice yet again and his glance returned to the floor.

Morgan pushed Reid into a chair and perched on the desk next to him.

"What's wrong then, man? Come on, Reid. Let me help you."

"Derek. I have three PHDs. And two other degrees. I've got an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187. But I've-I've never made love with a woman before. I mean, I know the mechanics of sex but I've….never-" He trailed off, sounding despondent, almost ashamed. To his credit, Morgan managed not to laugh. As unbelievable as it seemed, this was obviously a serious problem in Reid's eyes. He carefully weighed his words over in his head before he spoke, and gave Reid a compassionate touch on his shoulder.

"Reid." A pause. "Spencer. You love this woman?"

The younger man nodded.

"Then be honest with her. If she loves you too, and I'm sure she does, it won't matter to her. Just be honest with her, man. Be yourself."

Reid's eyes met Morgan's. "You think so?" He rose from the chair and Morgan clapped his back.

"I _know_ so, Reid. Let's get out of here. And have a great weekend!"

He sighed, his mind returning to the present and he took a deep breath and confessed. "I-I've never, you know, _been_ , with a woman before. IQ of 187, but a big zero when it comes to women-" He sounded pained and almost ashamed and it broke Dory's heart.

"Surely you and Maeve?" she asked in a small voice marked with disbelief. He shook his head. "We never even met until- until that last day. Our relationship was never physical," his voice dropped with each word until the last, which was almost inaudible.

Dory took him into her arms, kissed along his throat and jaw and whispered in what she hoped was a reassuring tone, "You are now. And your previous experience level doesn't matter to me, Spencer. It's how _we_ go together that matters to me."

His arms came up behind her and he pulled her into his lap. He nuzzled her neck and she reacted with a small gasp of pleasure. He misunderstood and stopped, releasing her instantly from his embrace.


	3. Chapter 3

"Spencer?"

He was obeying her edict to stop apologising but was unsure how to respond. Dory searched his eyes, usually so bright and expressive but clouded now with something she thought might be sadness. He bit his lower lip. She had to restrain herself from the urge to lean forward and kiss that lip and it occurred to her to share some of her own distressing past, hoping that might alleviate his obvious discomfort.

"Would it help to know that my experience isn't much more than yours?"

He remembered a conversation they'd had a few weeks ago. Her previous boyfriend. Her only previous boyfriend.

"David?"

"The one and only, Spencer. David was in the army. We'd been dating only about a month when he got his orders." Dory looked down for a moment, then raised her eyes to meet Spencer's again. "We were only, uh," she paused to find the word she wanted to use, " _together_ the one time. Because the next day he was off to Afghanistan." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And a month later, he was killed in a roadside bombing."

He pulled her into his arms and she laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry about that Dory," he said very quietly. They sat together quietly for a few moments, then she reached for their tea, handed Spencer his and raised her mug in the air. Spencer followed suit as Dory spoke,

"To Maeve. And to David." Spencer clinked his mug against Dory's and each took a sip of their tea. "There's an old Irish saying, Spencer, ' _Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal_.'"

"That's nice, Dory. Very appropriate. And comforting as well."

"Part of you will always love Maeve, Spencer. It's natural, it's real for you and completely understandable." He nodded in agreement and understanding as she continued, "Just like a little corner of my heart will always beat for David. It's only right. But we choose to move on in life. Some choose not to spend it alone. And I'm very much enjoying spending it with you." She leaned into him and kissed along his jaw and he responded by dropping his empty tea mug onto the sofa beside them, and enveloping her into his arms, returning her kiss with a new confidence. Dory splayed a hand out across the front of Spencer's chest, slipping a couple of fingers in between two of the buttons on his shirt. She heard his sharp intake of breath as she connected with his bare skin.

"Okay?" she murmured.

"Mmh hmmm!" he affirmed, barely moving his lips from her neck, the sound of his voice muffled in her skin. She stifled a giggle and arched her neck to fully expose it to Spencer's gentle probing. At the same time she undid the top few buttons of his shirt, affording her fuller access to his chest, which now was starting to heave a little in response to her caresses. Several minutes passed, although in Dory's world time had stopped.

"Spence?"

"Hmm?" he replied, lifting his face from her neck to make eye contact.

"I just want you to know that when you're ready, I will be too. But please know there's no pressure. No timetable. I want this to be right for us, _for you_. And if that means next week, next month, next year, well that's fine."

He put a hand over the hand she had under his shirt. She'd stopped moving it when he'd lifted his head and now felt his hand close around hers. Searching his eyes, she wondered if she'd just made a mistake. Was he going to take her hand away?


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer moved to stand up and her heart sank for a moment, her eyes downcast. He bit his lip and extended a hand to her. Dory's gaze shifted from the floor to his hand, up to his eyes and back down to his hand.

"How about now?" he ventured in a quiet voice full of trepidation.

"Spencer!" she breathed, taking his hand and rising from the sofa. Once she was standing, he released her hand and bent to pick her up, carrying her effortlessly down the hall to his bedroom. She threw her arms around his neck and wound her hands through the length of his hair, kissing the top of his head as he ducked through the doorway and loving the smile that brought to his face.

He set her down carefully on the edge of the bed. Dory let her hands trail from around his neck down to his waist level as he put her down. He kicked off his shoes and then climbed next to her. Boldly, she left her right hand at his waist and moved the other back up around his neck, nuzzling against his chest. He took her right hand in his and waited for a moment until she looked back up into his eyes, then spoke.

"Dory. Will you help me? I have no real idea how to proceed here."

"Then we'll learn together, Spencer. I'm pretty new to this myself, remember. I think we can just go with what feels right," she said as she undid the rest of his shirt then moved it off his shoulders. She touched her lips to his left shoulder and trailed across his upper chest to his other shoulder, scorching his skin in her wake. He felt something awaken, a feeling he'd never felt before. A moan like he'd never heard before sounded in the room and he realised it had emanated from deep within his own throat.

"That feels pretty right," he managed to breathe out before her mouth descended on his and he was lost in a maelstrom of feelings he'd never experienced before. Instinctively, his arms came up around her and he let himself fall back onto the bed, bringing her down on top of him. Her hands wound through his hair and Spencer was surprised to find himself starting to relax. Dory broke off the kiss to take a breath and check to see how he was doing. She played with his hair, splayed out around his head like a crown and after shakily catching his breath, she heard a small laugh escape from his throat.

"It's too long, I know," he said.

"No, I love it," she shook her head in disagreement with his statement and mussed his hair. "It's like a lion's mane, Spencer, it's glorious."

He reached up to kiss her and managed to just touch his lips to her throat. She let out a small giggle and made an attempt to sound like a lioness,

"Raaawwwr," before lowering her head and pressing her lips back against his. Dory rolled off him and settled on her knees beside him so she could continue taking his clothes off. His shirt, already off his shoulders, was now completely undone and removed. She turned her attention to his belt buckle, struggling briefly with the unfamiliar clasp. For an instant, she felt uncomfortable, wondering if she was being too aggressive but that feeling quickly passed when she realised he was unbuttoning her blouse and peeling it back off her shoulders. The blouse was easy, but Spencer found her bra to be more of a challenge, partly because of the garment's unfamiliarity and partly because his brain was registering that his pants were being taken down, tugged down past his knees and then off. Dory smiled when she noted his mismatched socks then slowly ran her hands up his legs, pausing briefly when she felt him tremble as she worked her way back to his waist.

She leaned forward to give his hands better access to her back as he finally figured out the bra clasp and released it, drawing the garment from her chest by the straps. She blushed prettily as her breasts were exposed and Spencer's eyes met hers.

"Oh my God," he whispered just as their lips met in a hungry kiss. Together they sank down onto his bed and when their bodies finally joined, amid the whispered endearments and breathless sighs, Spencer knew, for the first time in his life what it felt like to be truly loved.


End file.
